hmmf.

the past few days have been nice, i actually had a really good weekend. it is kind of weird though. my brain can't handle people being genuinely nice (thank you for the empanada.. and the tea.. and the movie, and for beating me at pong). see, this is my nice post! i can be nice too! look at me, being nice!

but really, it's kind of odd and scary trying to keep myself under control, somehow i was granted the self-control of a two-year-old. and i don't know what i want. oh no! you never know who knows what they feel, or who is just pretending- i definitely don't.

this whole dynamic is just very difficult for me to wrap my head around. am i allowed to be affectionate? jealous? demanding? should i really even be thinking about it? a lot of questions, to be sure, that i think i am the one who has to find out the answers to.

life doesn't happen in a vacuum but i wish it did, and i wish sex and affection weren't mutually exclusive, and i wish a lot of things a lot of the time. and do nothing to make wishes work.